Blog: The Grist Mill

Blogger: Giribala
___________________________________________________________________________________Honey, I thought it would be better to express myself in an email. I am in a state of mental turmoil since you left home in the morning for work, saying that Mummy-Papa will be coming on Saturday. I believe, they must have planned to stay here for at least a month. They are your parents and have every right to live with us, but right now, I want you to tell them to postpone their trip or make it shorter. Tinku and Soni don’t need any distraction at this time. This is a crucial year for both of them. You don’t even know how tough the syllabuses of 4th and 2nd grade have become these days. Moreover, the kids... Read more
clicks 176 View   Vote 0 Like   10:30pm 4 Apr 2012
Blogger: Giribala
Hello everybody, I am Raveena Tandon. Welcome to Vodaphone presents It’s My Life powered by Stayfree Advance, in which one celebrity re-lives their life, and we get to experience the lows and highs with them. In every era, there comes a leader who captivates public imagination and becomes their mai-baap-sarkaar. Today, we have among us one such big gun, who has been serving his subjects, or his praja, for the past twenty years. You can see from the picture on the screen how well-off the praja has become under various kings like him. Please welcome, the one and only, highly respected, Kunwar Raghuraj Pratap Singh. Applause, music.Seven dancers in colorful Punjabi costumes appear on the stag... Read more
clicks 219 View   Vote 0 Like   5:52pm 30 Mar 2012
Blogger: Giribala
If you are reading this, I am 100% sure that you are a living being. Therefore I want to acquaint you with some basic medicines that alleviate the pain associated with living. In 1943, psychologist Abraham Maslow had proposed a theory of hierarchy of needs, which is usually depicted as a pyramid with most basic needs at the bottom and the need for self-actualization at the top. I had actually made my own list of needs, but then discovered that Maslow’s pyramid covered most of them. So I decided to cite a few needs from the pyramid and warn you about their side effects:An interpretation of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, represented as a pyramid with the more basic needs at the bottom (via W... Read more
clicks 187 View   Vote 0 Like   3:05am 15 Mar 2012
Blogger: Giribala
1. Aaj na chhodenge from Kati Patang, featuring Twinkle Khanna's dad and Asha Parekh:2. Holi khele Raghuveera from Baghban, featuring Abhishek Bachchan's dad and Esha Deol's mom:3. Saat rand mein khel rahi hai dilwalon ki toli re from Akhir Kyon, featuring Hrithik's dad and Pratiek Babbar's mom:4. Rang barse bheege chunar wali from Silsila, featuring Abhishek Bachchan's parents, Rekha, and Sanjeev Kumar:5.Holi ke din dil mil jate hain from Sholay, featuring Esha Deol's parents, and also Abhishek bachchan's parents:6. Ang se ang lagana from Darr, featuring Anupan Kher, Tanvi Azami, Juhi Chawla, Sunny Deol and Shah Rukh Khan:7. Rang de gulal mohe from Kaamchor, featuring Hrithik Roshan's dad a... Read more
clicks 309 View   Vote 1 Like   3:53am 8 Mar 2012
Blogger: Giribala
The president of the Parrots’ Association appeared in the court of King Sher Singh to request an investigation into the death of a member, who was murdered along with his wife and two grown-up children. Many animals secretly believed that the King’s younger brother Prince Jagir Singh was behind this heinous crime, as the deceased parrot had been lately parroting his misdeeds. The oh-so-mighty and ever-so-just King summoned the chief police officer Mr. Fox to investigate the deaths.Mr. Fox solved the case in just three hours. He brought five witnesses who said that the parrot’s family members were at loggerheads with each other, hence they bludgeoned each other to death with logs. But t... Read more
clicks 274 View   Vote 0 Like   10:55pm 4 Mar 2012
Blogger: Giribala
After watching Richard John "Rick" Santorum, one of the GOP presidential candidates, on news channels, I finally comprehended God’s purpose for sending me to this country. I am here to help Santorum in his holy fight. And together we will remove the plague of cultural liberalism and secularism from the schools and universities I totally agree with all his views. The following three are especially close to my heart:1. Contraceptives are harmful to women and to the society in general, which means that women should keep on having babies all through their reproductive years. Several women’s groups have been floored by his kind utterances. Being a woman, my own frigid heart has turned into sl... Read more
clicks 155 View   Vote 0 Like   5:06am 25 Feb 2012
Blogger: Giribala
Romancing the Crown (Courtesy Miss Universe 2011)The Grist Mill Miss India 2012, the country's most prestigious and only one of a kind beauty pageant, has begun with a bang. Today, the top 5 contenders for the coveted crown will be announced. The judges have selected these gorgeous finalists from a bevy of beauties, all of whom had gone through six weeks of intensive training in personal grooming, fashion, diet, fitness, and communication. All five finalists are head-turners and show-stoppers. When they walk on a road, traffic comes to a halt. With their “chiseled bods, svelte figures, and toned physiques,” they will certainly inspire many young women and girls. During this contest peri... Read more
clicks 171 View   Vote 0 Like   1:05am 15 Feb 2012
Blogger: Giribala
In Somewhereland, everyone, from the king to the pauper on the road, secretly desires to keep a singing bird as a pet. The land is bestowed with incredible natural beauty. There is a river that never stops talking, flowers that dance with the breeze, trees that change colors every season, and above all, a variety of beasts and birds that fearlessly wallop, gallop, or hop around. In spite of the fact that people have to work hard for a living, they are still deeply connected with the nature, intrinsically inclined to keep the beasts and the birds as pets. If you talked to anyone, after exchanging initial pleasantries, they would inevitably inundate you with the accounts of antics and quirks... Read more
clicks 189 View   Vote 0 Like   6:24pm 8 Feb 2012
Blogger: Giribala
Snobs (Picture courtesy thesmartly.com)Who doesn’t want to be a snob? You must have encountered many a snob in your life, secretly admired them, and ardently desired to be like them, but didn’t know how to become one. Well, until now because in the next few lines you are going to learn the finer aspects of snobbery, which you will find easy to inculcate in yourself. Even if snobbery is an uncharted territory, you will definitely discover the hidden snob inside you, and will be able to unleash it in its full glory on this world. If you already are a snob, these tips will help you become snobbier.1. Learn to distinguish: It is all right to believe that human beings are created equal, but ... Read more
clicks 159 View   Vote 0 Like   4:18pm 3 Feb 2012
Blogger: Giribala
During my early years, despite being a bit precocious, I was a normal kid. And then one fateful day in 6th standard, my Math teacher hit me on my head for a wrong answer, discovering at the same time that I was nearsighted and needed corrective glasses. Something changed after that day. Not only did I start wearing spectacles, but also began considering myself superior to everyone else, looking down on them as mere mortals indulged in satisfying their bodily urges, whereas I spent my time contemplating higher spiritual stuff. The pair of spectacles instantly elevated my standing in the society. My schoolmates, teachers, and neighbors everyone held me in high esteem. I guess they considered ... Read more
clicks 153 View   Vote 0 Like   4:36am 30 Jan 2012
Blogger: Giribala
If I ever want to go to any festival, I would go to Kumbh Mela to wash away my sins. Never to such a sinful, blasphemous literature festival as the one held in Jaipur. Even if the organizers send me a private jet, or announce some award for me, or promise to read passages from the Grist Mill, I will not join the derelict, delinquent, morally bankrupt book peddlers. And after the shameful Rushdie episode, let me ask you, whoever in his right frame of mind would want to go there? Ever since I discovered that this festival was a brainchild of William Dalrymple, I have become highly skeptical. Yes, he is the same person who portrays India as a country of djinns, dervishes, devdasis, and other d... Read more
clicks 164 View   Vote 0 Like   7:00pm 23 Jan 2012
Blogger: Giribala
This happened several years ago. I was young, my friends were young. We were away from our homes, living in a hostel, and we thought all the good things in the world were waiting for us. One day, a close friend of mine and I were in the mood for an adventure. We made a plan. I don’t exactly remember the details, but it included a visit to a big city for some weird purpose. From Left: The Monument, A Dog, Myself, and My Friend So great number of years have passed since then that I have completely forgotten which city it was, but I still remember the famous monument we had visited. Though I can not recall the monument's name, it is perfectly etched in my memory. I have tried to draw i... Read more
clicks 158 View   Vote 0 Like   7:54pm 17 Jan 2012
Blogger: Giribala
When we were moving to US, I was worried about leaving God’s own country for a nation of kafirs, atheists, and immoralists. But on my arrival, I learned that people here were as pious as folks back home. The main approach road to our home had an exasperating number of churches alongside it. As we would pass by them in our car, out of habit and respect, I would bow my head to every church, left and right. One day, this pious act sprained my neck muscles. Now my world revolved around my neck pain, and I became extremely depressed and irritable. Getting a physician’s appointment was even more difficult than finding God. They were all booked for the next three months. We resorted to prayers... Read more
clicks 166 View   Vote 0 Like   4:34am 14 Jan 2012
Blogger: Giribala
May you burn in hell fire! May you get struck by lightning, falling meteor, or satellite debris! May you spoil your relationship with your friends and family members with your greed and selfishness! May your heart always be filled with cynicism, hatred and jealousy! May laziness, pessimism, and fatalism take control of your life! Now relax, I have stopped wishing such things to anyone or everyone. There was a time when I was not as mature, prudent, judicious, and sagacious as I am today, and I used to curse people with accidents, pestilences, earthquakes, fires, bankruptcies, etc. Most of the time, my prophecies came true. People said that I had a “black tongue.” Though I had this power... Read more
clicks 163 View   Vote 0 Like   10:03pm 6 Jan 2012
Blogger: Giribala
Don is happy that you guys made his movie a top grosser. Not watching a Don movie is not only difficult, but impossible. Why not, after all, Don is damned irresistible. Don’s dashing looks enhanced by a goatee and a gorgeous pigtail have been making gals go gaga. Don’s new look has absolutely charmed and enthralled and mesmerized everyone else too. But remember, Don likes to be chased only by wild cats like Roma. Middle-aged aunties, please stop swooning over Don’s sensational physique. Don can be slick, funny, and mean, all at the same time. No one can twitch his face like Don, nor can anyone spit like him. Not even Hrithik Roshan. Boom! Hee, hee, hee, hee…Don doesn’t need to exp... Read more
clicks 162 View   Vote 0 Like   4:25am 3 Jan 2012
Blogger: Giribala
It is holiday season once again. Your spouse and kids are at home all the time, testing your patience. Last year around this time, I had advised you on how to keep your husband busy. This year, I am in the benign mood of forgiveness. The Christmas decorations around the town, the soothing holiday songs, “Fa la la la la, la la la la,” etc. etc. have smoothed my frayed nerves and melted my stony heart as if it were a hardened clod of clay that has now fallen into a puddle. I have been dwelling dreamily in this beautiful puddle, I mean world.It looks like my benevolence has rubbed off on my husband too. He has stopped frowning and all I see on his face is a smile, hitherto brought into exis... Read more
clicks 167 View   Vote 0 Like   2:09pm 27 Dec 2011
Blogger: Giribala
Festivities are in the air. Christians are very happy. They will celebrate Jesus Christ’s birthday as Christmas on December 25th. For them, this is like Diwali, Dussera, Holi, Raksha Bandhan, Makar Sankranti, Shivratri, Navratri, Ram Navami, Ganesh Chaturthi, Pongal, Durga Puja, all in one. Hindus are also happy because they like festivals and holidays. My Hindu neighbors decorate their homes with more lights on Christmas than on Diwali. Last year, I wished someone a happy Christmas, but she told me that I should say, “Marry Christmas.” So, marry Christmas, dear friends! Jesus has the largest number of followers, about 2.1 billion, on this earth. I found out this bitter truth from the ... Read more
clicks 163 View   Vote 0 Like   3:53am 21 Dec 2011
Blogger: Giribala
(Warning: This story contains kid content. Therefore it is advisable to read it under a kid’s supervision. It is written for Shruti Nainwal, who turned 6 today.)Little Miss Sunshine didn’t care anymore that her birthday came after everyone else’s at the end of the year in mid December. She was happy that this way she got a whole year to plan for it. Talking of birthdays, the kids all over the world should thank Miss Sunshine that they can now celebrate their birthdays without worrying about the underground creatures, called keekos, spoiling their parties. Miss Sunshine is a 6-year-old diva with brown curly hair and the loveliest smile. She has a secret laboratory at her home where sh... Read more
clicks 164 View   Vote 0 Like   4:54am 15 Dec 2011
Blogger: Giribala
A tribute to the upholder of communal harmony and decency in the Indian society, respected Shri Shri Kapil Sibal Ji. Yikes! I am sick and tired of the continuous tirade against Shri Kapil Sibal Ji. Please stop calling him idiot, stupid, moron, senile, loony, etc. Why are all of you hell bent on flushing away our culture and civilization, tehzeeb and tameez, down the chronically clogged drains?(Picture courtesy The Telegraph)Sibal Ji is an elderly person. We should respect and obey him as an elder, however idiot, stupid, moron, senile, loony, ignorant, fool, sycophant, or regressive he might be. On the other hand, internet activities of Indians below the age of 60 years need to be supervised... Read more
clicks 288 View   Vote 0 Like   6:28am 9 Dec 2011
Blogger: Giribala
(In the following article I have used the pronoun ‘he’ for the child instead of ‘he or she’ for the sake of simplicity.)Source: istockphoto.comIt doesn’t matter whether your child is a genius or an average brat, what matters is if he or she knows how to be happy. I am going to illuminate how to equip your child with an inbuilt fountain of happiness forever and ever. If you are not burdened with the task of raising children, be your own child, and use these tips to enhance your own happiness. Your child needs encouragement at every step. As soon as the little one starts mingling with others of his kind, let him freely push, shove, or beat up other kids, although you should surrepti... Read more
clicks 168 View   Vote 0 Like   6:18am 4 Dec 2011
Blogger: Giribala
Picture: Outlook India I am usually a happy and upbeat person, but last week after reading some contrived and shoddy articles in Outlook magazine’s Happiness Edition, I became highly miserable and fell into a dark well of “critically deep dukh and taynsion.” To lift up my spirits, I turned the pages of the latest issue of the Time magazine. As if as a sign from Ma Unicorn, the first thing I read was, “10 Questions for Daniel Kahneman,” an interview with the psychologist and Nobel Prize winning economist.Towards the end, he is asked if his research had changed the way he lives. Being a psychologist, he gives a long-winded, convoluted answer, which essentially means that happiness... Read more
clicks 140 View   Vote 0 Like   4:42pm 22 Nov 2011
Blogger: Giribala
When I heard that autobiographies are the in books this season, I thought of writing one too. While working on this project, I realized that this way not only will I be leaving an imprint on the tapestry of history, but also bequeathing a treasure of wisdom, enlightenment, and inspiration to the current and future generations. Once upon a time I used to live a very colorful, bindaas, kick-ass life. I will tell you about it, as also how one evening it came to an abrupt end. Since then I have been living a saintly monogamous life. Of course, not out of choice. Being an inanimate object, I do not have a free will, nor am I complaining because even the most evolved animated bundles of atoms... Read more
clicks 208 View   Vote 0 Like   4:54am 16 Nov 2011
Blogger: Giribala
Pictures of Abhishek and Aishwarya's babies from the above quizcreated by morphing Abhishek and Aishwarya's pictures:The Grist Mill: Bring Your Own Grain... Read more
clicks 185 View   Vote 0 Like   3:44pm 10 Nov 2011
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